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Top Ten Ideas of How Mulder's Absence Will Be Explained in Season 9
10. All characters will over-use the phrases, "You just missed him" and "He's in the bathroom..."
9. The "Mulder's on the cell phone" gimmick. Of course, we won't hear what he says, but good ol' Scully will fill us in...
8. Mulder goes back to Oxford to take some classes on Phoebe Green, uh, er, I mean criminology...
7. Krycek comes back from the dead and finally beats the crap out of Mulder, sending him into a coma for the entire season. Of course, what we'll see is well- strategically angled shots of Steve Kiziak from waayy, waayy far away. (Hey, no reason for DD's body doubles to loose their jobs...)
6. Did you think Diana was dead too? Nah. She comes back and whisks Mulder away on her broomstick to a secluded cabin in the woods, where she's been watching "The Wizard of OZ" repeatedly for months. Of course, we don't actually see this take place, but the episode does end with Fowley screeching, "I'll get you Dana Scully... and your little Doggett too!"
5. Mulder is hit on the head and wanders aimlessly around D.C. thinking he's an host of a TV game show. He's heard mumbling, "YOU ARE WEAKEST LINK...GOODBYE!" to all passing strangers who resemble Doggett & Reyes.
4. Scully gets a "Dear John" letter from Mulder saying he's run away to join Jim Rose's Side Show--adding that he will be billing himself as "Jim Jim, The Fish Hook Face Boy"...
3. He gets infected by the black oil and spends the season trapped in a missile silo somewhere in N. Dakota. (Hey, it's the 9th season--you don't expect the writers to think up anything original, do you?)
2. After discovering what Carter has in store for the season, Mulder convinces the aliens to abduct him again...
AND...THE #1 IDEA OF HOW MULDER'S ABSENCE WILL BE EXPLAINED IN THE 9TH SEASON IS...
WHAT? YOU WERE EXPECTING AN EXPLANATION? GEEZUS, HOW LONG HAVE YOU PEOPLE BEEN WATCHING THIS SHOW?!
All of the stars comprising the Milky Way galaxy revolve around the center of the galaxy once every 200 million years or so.
It is easier to find a score of men wise enough to discover the truth than to find one intrepid enough, in the face of opposition, to stand up for it.
~A.A. Hodge
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